The Nephilim’s

Tomorrow, school reopens. I’m at Dear Dear’s house, and she is sleeping beside me. I thought back at the summer vacation. The only thing I regretted was probably not finding a job. I spent money so miserably, I didn’t get to splurge much. On the other hand, I’m pleasantly satisfied at the amount of programming I did. Firstly, I dug up the code for the shoutbox and implemented a new algorithm for a spam filter. In these days, most of the shoutboxes are done in Flash, as it is more foolproof to casual bloggers and quite spam-proof. However, my skills in Flash are non-existent, and I would wanna brush them up during the next semester break.

I failed IPPT, which is quite expected. I no longer have that much stamina to complete the 2.4km run within the passing time. I must muster enough effort to go jogging often. I aim to get at least silver or gold during the next IPPT which I tentatively plan in December.

Granado Espada… I know it’s really the cause of many problems during the last semester. Had spent too much time on it. Nonethless, this is a chance for me to try to abstient from it. My 2x experience bonus has finished. I will not be buying any more GPoints and play the game via game currency alone. In effect, I will not be spending any more money on it (didn’t spent much to begin with) and I hope I will lose interest in it soon.

This semester is going to be tough. The only good news is, there is no maths this semester. No maths mean no need to spend much time practising on it. I hope I will be able to pull my CAP points this semester. It currently stands at 3.65. My target is to get at least 4.0 by the time I graduate.

I know this blog is boring to most visitors. Unlike Kaori_Lolita, I blog to remind myself of the stages of my life. Visit her site for a more cheery and interesting content.

I look at the previous entry and I don’t know what the hell I was writing. But I’m not going delete it. Reflects the domain of my mind when I’m this trance-like state.

Sometimes, random thoughts came to me and go, so fast that I was not able to manifest them into words. Thoughts about games, secondary school life (the boys, youth, carefree part of it, nothing about romance or sorts), society and family were topics that ran through my mind during the past hours. When I tried to write about them here, they slip away, and I’m at a loss at which buttons on the keyboard I should strike next.

I shall not attempt to format the context of this entry and blurt out anything that comes out of my mind.

I hate being lectured at. I hate to be given comments. I hate to be told what to do. Sure, I know that most comments thrown to me were out of concern, goodwill, and for the good of my well-being. I appreciate them, of course. That is, the concern part only. I believe I do not need to be lectured in a way that makes me seem as a useless asshole and slacker. On the outward appearance, I definitely look like one. Which hikkikomori doesn’t? What they can’t see is that I’m constantly being bombarded by myself with shitloads of thoughts. Things to worry about. Things to plan. Things to do. Things to dwell into. So many of them, they made me at a loss of what to do.

I begun to sit in front of the computer, opening either the games folder or the music folder. I cleared classic SNES games, which in turn made me ponder about past and current games. Their different emphasis from unique gameplay to being aesthetically gorgeous. I opened up the MP3 files on Winamp. As the beat of the drums resound, I closed my eyes and twitched my ears to the tune of the melody that ensue from my pair of $50 speakers which came with a subwoofer. I became drunk in the sea of music. I knew I had things to do, but a feeling of ecstasy overtook me. I felt an awkard sense of joy. I knew this wasn’t accomplishing anything, but I enjoyed it. Then I thought about the things that I SHOULD be doing. That instantly plunge me down into a state of “emo-ness”.

So that should be it. A self-analysis of why I suffered from periodic moodiness. I’m not a lost sheep, but neither am I without a direction either. I tried getting the act together. I worked my programming project to the milestone. I’m completed a great classic RPG game. I’ve kept myself updated with school news, and not delay things that require my decision. In a subtle way, I tried to make things happen. When people do not acknowledge the little step that I took, sometimes I turn violent, then I go into the vicious cycle.

I would want to think that the way I behave was not my fault, but that of others, who kept nagging, and oversighted my attempts to stop things from remaining how they. Sometimes I hate it so much, I isolate myself. I don’t want to listen to the voices of others. Then when I’m alone, the other “voices” speak to me. I begun to think about random things again. So perhaps it wasn’t due to the human factor at all.

I felt a sense of peace when I’m alone. I’m not lonely. I’m carefree of the opinions and expectations of others. It’s a comfort zone, a haven. I know sometimes my actions upset others, but I want people to know that I’m alright by myself and not to worry.

I’m sorry I’m using up your resources, but I’m already doing my best to outdo the niggard that I already am. I’m sorry I behave like an asshole, but I have my own principles and beliefs and I do not concur to your code of conduct. I’m sorry I look as if I do not care, because I felt that if I do, I will not like the response you give anyway.

I’m sorry for being a loner. I just want to look for answers to many things and reach out for my joy and tranquility.

Hi to all who came into this blog of mine! Phew, originally I didn’t care much about this site ‘cos I intended this as a technological playground where I can test all the funny funny website thingy… until my Kaori_Lolita showed me this!

Omg I was shocked to see the image of my webbie on it! I always thought this site is rather secluded! But of course the interesting content is not here, it’s at my dearest’s blog!

Some of you know me personally during the years when I was on IRC, but most of you would have only known me vaguely through the photos which Kaori_Lolita posted. I haven’t been steadfastly watching all the anime and manga this season, due to hellish school work and an unholy addiction to Granado Espada. I’m following Shakugan no Shana II this season, so feel free to leave down your comments on Shana-chan =)

Since more people are coming across this webbie unexpectedly, I’ll clean it up when I have more time on hand. (/me hates school work!) Meanwhile, please don’t tag anything on the tagboard as I’ve made a hellish disaster at the tagboard’s code. Leave a comment to this entry to say hi

Check out Kaori_Lolita’s blog, as she updates her blog at a more regular interval compared to I do. I’ll post stuff about my figurines and anime comments there soon

Exams are round the corner. It’s time to devise my strategy for tackling it.

Exam Dates:

IS (End-of-Term): 16 Nov
Econs: 26 Nov
IS (Final): 28 Nov
Networking: 4 Dec
Maths: TBA

Tasks to do at hand will be:

Blogging for Computer and Society Module. Target is 1 - 2 per day.
Read IS articles as they are very time consuming. I’ll consider reading them while travelling/during breaks (Which means I have to bring my laptop everywhere or print those big stack out)
Practise maths. Most crucial. Should be done as often as I can.
Revise Econs. Second in priority. When I’m tired doing maths, I should work either here or read IS materials.
Revise Networking. Least priority of all tasks. Will touch on it only when the exam date draws near.

Maths is the most dangerous subject out of these. I must be careful.

It’s been some time since I last updated this page… School life has been hectic. The contents of the subjects were translated to us at the speed of light. What is taught here in one semester equals to what is taught in two years at JC or poly.

Yesterday was my Network Mid-Term examinations. The teaching crew made it look like some major exam by holding it in a big hall in an examination style. I thought test was rather easy as I was able to finish it in half the time given. However, after some checking with my classmates I realised that I got a quite a few questions answered wrongly too. Okay, but so I didn’t get full marks, but it isn’t half as bad as my Econs test taken last Monday. Of 44 MCQ questions, I’ve gotten 23 questions right! That’s like 17.5% of the 30% weightage of the test. T_T

My tagboard isn’t working yet. I’m tired these few days to debug the problem. Somemore I’ve this stupid client who is bugging me for a change in the user interface. Fug, he should have done that long ago. But since he was slow, I will drag it until my holidays before I work on his project. He had better bribe me with more money.

Just finished writing the BLOG for one of my subject. That is like 100x more stressful than writing this blog, more so when I’ll have mind blocks writing in this one anyway. I couldn’t be like last time when I play games most of the time. I need to find a perfect balance to strike between studying and entertainment.

zOMG, an anti-Odex webbie!

Xedo Defense

Came across that URL when someone broadcasted that in GE. I doubt it will work though. It’s currently under construction and has a forums page. I don’t download animes so I’m not worried about the whole thing actually. For those who do… maybe you would like to join their petition against Singapore’s Next Big Evil >:D

OMG position for couple on the go! http://shanghaiist.com/2007/08/18/photo_of_the_da_86.php

School started. Most of the subjects are quite okay, except mathematics -_- My maths foundation really isn’t strong enough… Does that mean my logic is lacking too? Should spend more time on it.

One of the assignment for one of the module requires us to code a java application. Whurhurhurhur! He should just give me the requirements now that I am still quite free ><

Driving for long distance is really boring… Why can’t NUS be just opposite my block?

Love Dearie lots ^^

(Still lazy to change site layout z..)